I read your portfolio story "Ghost of Walker Tower" and I really enjoyed the way that you adapted the tale to fit perfectly into the college environment. It's so much easier for audiences to engage with a story when the setting and characters are relevant to them, and you did that by casting an OU freshman as your protagonist and sticking him in the middle of the dorms. Almost everyone here can relate to that scenario and it makes the meat of the story so much easier to digest.
How did the ghost of Bill end up at the dorms? I know that his grandson is his motivation to stay, but was Bill an old student who passed away during his time on campus?
Also, even though it breaks away from the "Odyssey" elements of the original story, maybe Bill could repay Jonas' willingness to answer him with a reward -- maybe Bill shows Jonas a hidden stash of test banks that are long forgotten in the Walker basement.
Hi Andy, I love your story about the Ghost of Walker Tower! It was so cute, and I kept wanting to read more about the ghost. Your descriptions of Jonas and his thoughts were right-on because I have definitely felt that before. I love your banner pic just because Bizzell library is one of the prettiest buildings on campus, in my opinion. That or Evans Hall (because they look similar). Your author's note really let me know what the original story was about, so I wasn't confused at all on how to change it. Maybe you could add a twist to the end? On your second story, I see what you did there with the title! I like how every story just seems like a typically story, until I read the author's note, and I am like whoaaaa. They are nothing like the original, yet they are still connected if that makes sense. You have such a creative mind. I really enjoy how you modernized every story. I was going to say relatable, but I don't know anyone that would play a trick like that though haha. I can't wait to read more on these stories about OU students.
I love the theme you have going of changing the settings of your stories to OU. I think that's all a little more relatable for students than bats and rats. The adaptations are really creative and a little funny, and I enjoyed reading them. Are you planning to keep up the theme? I would love to hear more about why you've set your stories at OU. The second one in particular had a plot that escalated quickly, which I definitely didn't expect from the beginning! I feel like setting it somewhere normal makes the fairy tale plots seem all the more intense. Finally, you may want to skim the second story again for typos - I noticed one line of dialogue that didn't have quotation marks (Where Mr. Adams says "I cannot wait to try this") and there may be some that I hadn't noticed. I am looking forward to more OU stories or whatever you decide to write!
I read your portfolio stories of the Ghost of Walker Tower and Flames of Jealousy. I think it's really neat that so far your portfolio stories have the common theme of being legends/folk stories at OU! They seem like the type of stories that you would hear while taking the ghost tour around campus. Your writing is also very easy to follow, and I think the length of the stories is perfect for these types of campus myths.
Here are specific things that I noticed in the Ghost of Walker Tower:
“Why are you in these dorms?” Jonas asked. “Because my grandson attends this university now,” Bill retorted. -the word retorted implies a kind of mean or sassy tone, and I'm not sure if that's the kind of tone you intended Bill to have here since it seems like him and Jonas are having a casual, fairly pleasant conversation. At least as pleasant as a conversation with a ghost can be!
Jonas knew exactly to whom he was referring. -maybe 'about whom' would flow more naturally for the reader? or even just saying, "Jonas knew exactly who Bill was talking about."
Here are specific things I noticed in Flames of Jealousy: Woah! This story was intense. I was not prepared for how quickly that turned into such a dark story. I think maybe even just adding a paragraph describing John's growing resentment day by day would help set up the story a little bit better. Other than that, it was a really good read! I don't think I can say I enjoyed it, but it definitely had my attention!
Hey there Andy, First off I would like to say I am so enthralled by this comment wall and the image that you used. But onto what we are supposed to be commenting on Your portfolio is set up so clean. The way you have the stories listed as well as tabs to them makes it really easy for the reader such as myself to go in and choose the story I wasn’t to read. Next the banner you have is so captivating and really makes me miss visiting big cities at night every once in a while, I will for sure have to go on a trip fairly soon. The first story that you have “Ghost of Walker Tower” was such a read it kind of tied in with the other ghosts found on the university of Oklahoma’s campus. This was such a great and captivating read that I can’t wait for more posts from you. Good Luck, Drew
I really enjoyed your story and how you retold it with the location being in Walker tower. I have heard multiple ghost stories from some of my professors and think it is really cool how you presented it. In addition to this, I had read stories about the spirit of Achilles and was fascinated with it. I think that it interesting how you portrayed the ghost in a good light rather than being the stereotypical ghost story. I also really enjoyed the "Flames of Jealousy" story. I like how you are telling the stories in a contemporary way, as I am doing the same thing on my portfolio and you should definitely checking it out. It is always much easier to visualize things when they are places that you are familiar with. I have been trying to also do the same on my stories so readers can understand the story better. Hope you have a great rest of the semester and looking forward to seeing more of you.
I read "Flames of Jealousy" from your story book. It was a really interesting story! I honestly thought it was about you until some of the thoughts and actions became somewhat sinister. The story had me anxious to continue because I wanted to find out who it was about!
You did a great job of using dialogue and the characters' actual comments throughout the middle of the story. I know at the beginning and end you are trying to set up and then wrap up the story, but you may try to include a little bit of dialogue in those parts of the story as well.
I can' wait to read more of your stories. It will be interesting to see where you take them next. I am curious as to whether you will write about one long, continuous story, or a bunch of smaller, lesser related posts.
Hey, Andy!
ReplyDeleteI read your portfolio story "Ghost of Walker Tower" and I really enjoyed the way that you adapted the tale to fit perfectly into the college environment. It's so much easier for audiences to engage with a story when the setting and characters are relevant to them, and you did that by casting an OU freshman as your protagonist and sticking him in the middle of the dorms. Almost everyone here can relate to that scenario and it makes the meat of the story so much easier to digest.
How did the ghost of Bill end up at the dorms? I know that his grandson is his motivation to stay, but was Bill an old student who passed away during his time on campus?
Also, even though it breaks away from the "Odyssey" elements of the original story, maybe Bill could repay Jonas' willingness to answer him with a reward -- maybe Bill shows Jonas a hidden stash of test banks that are long forgotten in the Walker basement.
Hi Andy,
ReplyDeleteI love your story about the Ghost of Walker Tower! It was so cute, and I kept wanting to read more about the ghost. Your descriptions of Jonas and his thoughts were right-on because I have definitely felt that before. I love your banner pic just because Bizzell library is one of the prettiest buildings on campus, in my opinion. That or Evans Hall (because they look similar). Your author's note really let me know what the original story was about, so I wasn't confused at all on how to change it. Maybe you could add a twist to the end?
On your second story, I see what you did there with the title! I like how every story just seems like a typically story, until I read the author's note, and I am like whoaaaa. They are nothing like the original, yet they are still connected if that makes sense. You have such a creative mind. I really enjoy how you modernized every story. I was going to say relatable, but I don't know anyone that would play a trick like that though haha. I can't wait to read more on these stories about OU students.
Hi Andy!
ReplyDeleteI love the theme you have going of changing the settings of your stories to OU. I think that's all a little more relatable for students than bats and rats. The adaptations are really creative and a little funny, and I enjoyed reading them.
Are you planning to keep up the theme? I would love to hear more about why you've set your stories at OU. The second one in particular had a plot that escalated quickly, which I definitely didn't expect from the beginning! I feel like setting it somewhere normal makes the fairy tale plots seem all the more intense.
Finally, you may want to skim the second story again for typos - I noticed one line of dialogue that didn't have quotation marks (Where Mr. Adams says "I cannot wait to try this") and there may be some that I hadn't noticed.
I am looking forward to more OU stories or whatever you decide to write!
Hi Andrew!
ReplyDeleteI read your portfolio stories of the Ghost of Walker Tower and Flames of Jealousy. I think it's really neat that so far your portfolio stories have the common theme of being legends/folk stories at OU! They seem like the type of stories that you would hear while taking the ghost tour around campus. Your writing is also very easy to follow, and I think the length of the stories is perfect for these types of campus myths.
Here are specific things that I noticed in the Ghost of Walker Tower:
“Why are you in these dorms?” Jonas asked.
“Because my grandson attends this university now,” Bill retorted.
-the word retorted implies a kind of mean or sassy tone, and I'm not sure if that's the kind of tone you intended Bill to have here since it seems like him and Jonas are having a casual, fairly pleasant conversation. At least as pleasant as a conversation with a ghost can be!
Jonas knew exactly to whom he was referring.
-maybe 'about whom' would flow more naturally for the reader? or even just saying, "Jonas knew exactly who Bill was talking about."
Here are specific things I noticed in Flames of Jealousy:
Woah! This story was intense. I was not prepared for how quickly that turned into such a dark story. I think maybe even just adding a paragraph describing John's growing resentment day by day would help set up the story a little bit better. Other than that, it was a really good read! I don't think I can say I enjoyed it, but it definitely had my attention!
Hey there Andy,
ReplyDeleteFirst off I would like to say I am so enthralled by this comment wall and the image that you used. But onto what we are supposed to be commenting on Your portfolio is set up so clean. The way you have the stories listed as well as tabs to them makes it really easy for the reader such as myself to go in and choose the story I wasn’t to read. Next the banner you have is so captivating and really makes me miss visiting big cities at night every once in a while, I will for sure have to go on a trip fairly soon. The first story that you have “Ghost of Walker Tower” was such a read it kind of tied in with the other ghosts found on the university of Oklahoma’s campus. This was such a great and captivating read that I can’t wait for more posts from you.
Good Luck,
Drew
Hello Andy,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story and how you retold it with the location being in Walker tower. I have heard multiple ghost stories from some of my professors and think it is really cool how you presented it. In addition to this, I had read stories about the spirit of Achilles and was fascinated with it. I think that it interesting how you portrayed the ghost in a good light rather than being the stereotypical ghost story. I also really enjoyed the "Flames of Jealousy" story. I like how you are telling the stories in a contemporary way, as I am doing the same thing on my portfolio and you should definitely checking it out. It is always much easier to visualize things when they are places that you are familiar with. I have been trying to also do the same on my stories so readers can understand the story better. Hope you have a great rest of the semester and looking forward to seeing more of you.
Hey Andy,
ReplyDeleteI read "Flames of Jealousy" from your story book. It was a really interesting story! I honestly thought it was about you until some of the thoughts and actions became somewhat sinister. The story had me anxious to continue because I wanted to find out who it was about!
You did a great job of using dialogue and the characters' actual comments throughout the middle of the story. I know at the beginning and end you are trying to set up and then wrap up the story, but you may try to include a little bit of dialogue in those parts of the story as well.
I can' wait to read more of your stories. It will be interesting to see where you take them next. I am curious as to whether you will write about one long, continuous story, or a bunch of smaller, lesser related posts.
Good luck,
Brady